OK, so it is Friday afternoon in the US. I am so frustrated. I am remodeling my house here. Dealing with contractors is a nightmare that I would not wish on my worst enemy.
I hired a general contractor to work on my master suite remodeling. He has been quite pushy throughout the project but also arrogant. I admit it is hard for me to be decisive sometimes hence his pushiness, nonetheless I would say he has been a pain to deal with, I should not have to fight my ideas through.
Any ways, the way it works here, is you could get a general contractor who then deals with all the sub-contractors like plumbers, framers, electricians….etc. The whole job costs more but the general contractor takes over all the headaches of coordinating the schedules and certainly the quality of the work. He/she could bring in a headach but at least it is one headack than many!!! at least that is what I thought.
Throughout the project I had to compromise here and there but at least we were pushing forward, baby steps forward. But as of couple of weeks ago we stalled. Everything came to a halt. The reason being . . . well, I am still struggling with that one myself.
Anyways I went to the city of …. to investigate on what could be done in terms of tracking him down and getting part of my money back (oh yes, I was stupid enough to pay in advance for some of the work).
It turns out there isn’t much I could do other than take him to court and try to mess up his reputation on the internet. Frustrating? You bet.
Yes, you guessed it, we can be made to feel powerless here too, just like in Oman. In Oman, however, it would probably be my brother or nephew or some other male family member that would deal with contractors, I would be shelterd from the experience. Honestly speaking, the shelter doesn’t sound too bad right now ( althought it would not be fair to expect brothers and nephew to take over my frustrations . . . oh well the "expectation" subject is for another data.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Full Control, Not Cruise Control
Back in the USA, and back to the day in day out routines. Work, bills, grocery and oh yeaaaahhh complete control over my time.
Not so in Oman,no. There I have to give up my time to please others. Don’t get me wrong I enjoy pleasing my family and friends when I can and I am supportive and caring (mostly). BUT, I want to do so on my own terms. I want to choose the time and the method in which I show my affection. I don’t want to be told when and how to show it.
Family members and friends feel “entitled” to your time, to your space and heck even to your money ;-). Attending weddings & funerals, visiting new born & the ill, attending dinner & lunch invitations, casual visits for visit sake, are all “expected”. It is considered a “personal” offense if you don’t visit or attend one of their functions.
Also, because it is engraved in our conscious from a very early age that these events are all social “obligations”, you can easily be made to feel guilty if you even think to skip a visit or an occasion.
All that would not be a problem if the size of your family is small, but I have 14 siblings, multiply that by two for their husbands and wives then multiply that by 4 for average number of children in a family unit, then add the aunts, uncles, and cousins . . . get the idea????
Between the size, the entitlement culture and the guilty conscious, taking control over your own time becomes mission impossible. You see most people cannot live with guilt and cannot take constant naggings or words of emotional blackmailig.
To take control over your own time requires focus, awareness, assertiveness and savviness to maneuver around a conversation without alienating your family or friends and without lying. Phhhhheeeewwww that is exhausting! So some people choose the easy way out, to lie, all the time. To take control of their time they lose their truth, and that is sad.
Wouldn’t it be easier if everyone accepted these visits as gifts,not entitlements? Wouldn’t it be easier if we love our families and friends unconditionally? They don't have to visit or call to get my love, I love them any way, unconditionally.
Not so in Oman,no. There I have to give up my time to please others. Don’t get me wrong I enjoy pleasing my family and friends when I can and I am supportive and caring (mostly). BUT, I want to do so on my own terms. I want to choose the time and the method in which I show my affection. I don’t want to be told when and how to show it.
Family members and friends feel “entitled” to your time, to your space and heck even to your money ;-). Attending weddings & funerals, visiting new born & the ill, attending dinner & lunch invitations, casual visits for visit sake, are all “expected”. It is considered a “personal” offense if you don’t visit or attend one of their functions.
Also, because it is engraved in our conscious from a very early age that these events are all social “obligations”, you can easily be made to feel guilty if you even think to skip a visit or an occasion.
All that would not be a problem if the size of your family is small, but I have 14 siblings, multiply that by two for their husbands and wives then multiply that by 4 for average number of children in a family unit, then add the aunts, uncles, and cousins . . . get the idea????
Between the size, the entitlement culture and the guilty conscious, taking control over your own time becomes mission impossible. You see most people cannot live with guilt and cannot take constant naggings or words of emotional blackmailig.
To take control over your own time requires focus, awareness, assertiveness and savviness to maneuver around a conversation without alienating your family or friends and without lying. Phhhhheeeewwww that is exhausting! So some people choose the easy way out, to lie, all the time. To take control of their time they lose their truth, and that is sad.
Wouldn’t it be easier if everyone accepted these visits as gifts,not entitlements? Wouldn’t it be easier if we love our families and friends unconditionally? They don't have to visit or call to get my love, I love them any way, unconditionally.
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