Accept me . . .

Many friends describe me as an emotional, extrovert, and spontaneous. I would say they are about right in their descriptions. I would add that I am also very analytical sometimes. I am a free spirit, I want to make my own mistakes and to find my own answers.

It is who I am that probably made it difficult for me to live in Oman years ago. Then and at that age, all I knew was I could not be who I am and be accepted in the Omani culture. I had to conform to a certain mould built for the Omani society in general and within that mould another one built for my family in particular. I was of a different form and I was rigid. I could not fit.

The constant fight and the constant struggle to be true to who I am without being rejected, was hard on me. The emotions drove me crazy and made me miserable, which in turn made it difficult for my family. They thought marriage would be the answer. But I was not ready. The more I rejected marriage ideas the tighter the mould got on me. I felt squeezed out.

I found a place where no one cared from which family I came from, or what religion I follow, or what car I drive, or whether I was married or not. I found friends that cared to know me for who I am and they liked me just the way I was. They did not try to change me a bit.

I was happy to be accepted. I could focus my energy on being a productive member of the society rather than fighting the society. I could focus on healing my wounds and build my strength.

Over the years I tried to learn more of who I am and how I can be accepted in my culture without killing my spirit. The good thing about living in the US is accessibility to information and to resources. One could learn about anything she wishes to explore. So I read books and met with experts.
Don’t get me wrong, I still struggle to understand all my feelings and all my culture. But I have come a long ways a way from where I was.

Now, I am less rigid, stronger, happier and enjoy and cherish every moment with my family back in Oman. They learned to accept me the way I am and I learned to see things from their point of view.

I believe, I needed to be accepted just the way I was first, so I could learn how to accept myself, my family and my culture.

The Onion

On my way to the US, at an airport in Europe, I stopped to have something to eat at one of the modern and hip restaurants. I saw two Arab girls, both beautiful and graceful. They were wearing fashionable white head scarves, jeans and matching tops, practical I thought. They were enjoying each other’s conversation and the delicious food in a non show-off way, different I thought. Few minutes after their meal, they both took out their laptops. Every bit modern and saying we are from this century.

I could not help but think that the onion is peeling off one layer at a time. The majority of the newer generation of our Arab world is every bit civilized, connected, smart and graceful. Perhaps given the financial means, education and exposure to various life styles, we human choose to peacefully blend in with our environment. We want to belong we want to be respected. We are willing to give so we can also receive.

With the new generation of thinking, I felt my life could be the same in Oman as it is in the US perhaps a little richer with family and friends and a little poorer on choices. But with creativity, smartness and hunger of the youth the choices are coming, and we can be there to shape the energy of our youth.

Because I Am Away

The sheer fact that I chose to live in a place other than Oman, when I am in fact an Omani, makes many Omanis uncomfortable. Within few minutes of a conversation, I get an earful about how the west is not better than Oman and how great Oman is. In their mind, because I chose to live outside Oman a) I must have rejected to be one of them and b) I must be perceiving the west to be “superior”.

Their assumptions and thoughts could not be any further from my true feelings and thoughts. The beauty of Oman and the kindness of its people are infinite, in my eyes. And it will always remain so because it is the truth that I perceive and my people's blood is in my veins.

My day yesterday involved lunch at my aunt’s house with my cousins, then a visit to see an ill relative in the hospital, then dinner at my uncle’s house with all my other cousins.
Absolutely great! The visits, the sincere love, the kindness and the wonderful time we share together are priceless! And I couldn't get that from the west.

The west is not suprior. Oman is not inferior.
But just like the west, we are nowhere near a perfect society.
And just like any human being in the west or otherwise, an Omani has his/her own needs and tolerance levels that may or may not be fully available in his country.

I realised that my critiques are considered biased, even when they resonate with many other Omanis who live here. So, I bite my tongue (when I can), show my sincere respect, communicate my sincere love and limit my comments to scribles in my blog space . . . ;-)