Don't Judge Me

I still remember an incident 3 years ago when I was consulting in one of the companies here in Oman. About couple of weeks into the project, I was asked for a five minute talk about my work during the division’s staff meeting. “Sure, not a problem” I said. There were about 6o people mostly Omanis and Indians. But to my surprise, when I stood up to talk I felt lost for words and nervous.

When it comes to work arenas, I have a strong and confident personality. I held successful presentations in many parts of the world. So needless to say, I was shocked at my lack of confidence that morning.

It wasn’t until a year or so later that I came to understand what happened; I felt that I was cut into 60 pieces and put under a microscope. I was being assessed and perhaps judged. I didn't possess the needed inner strength to withstand it from my own people then. The judging eyes sapped my confidence away.

Of course, it could have been all in my mind, but my subconscious was extrapolating from past experiences. Many conversations in Oman take this shape: “so and so did this and that” would be followed by “he/she is a terrible person” followed by "need not befriend him/her".

It took another year or so for me to develop the inner strength I needed. Beside the point it could be a fable of my imagination; I now, realize judging of others is usually sourced by inferiority complex. In other words criticizing others make people feel better about their own shortcomings.

Even with the inner strength, for me, it is less peaceful to permanently live in Oman. That is because emotional blackmails, psychological games and drama fueled by those gossips, criticism and judgments are very much alive here. It is exhausting to live with “children adults”. Grow up I say (but who is judging ;-)) . . .