This Friday morning in my house in the US:
It is a beautiful cool yet sunny day outside. I am thinking it is a perfect day for horseback riding. But I resist going out in order to clean the house and take care of work items.
….. few hours later:
I just finished booking my ticket to Las Vegas, where I have to attend a summit.
My neighbor just left my house; she stopped by to see the progress on my remodeling projects.
I am watching workers rebuilding my back deck, they are having a wonderful time because it is a gorgeous day . . .
…. Few hours later:
The workers are gone for the weekend and the night is finally here. I just came back from meeting a friend for dinner at an Italian restaurant. He had just arrived from Washington.
Another friend phoned to say he is leaving for Hawaii for few days . . .
I am thinking ...
Life is rolling on… years are passing by and little events weave our lives' fabric. It mus be a fabric of different colors, happy and bright moments mixed with sad and dark moments . . . but it rolls on . . .
Where do I want to be in five years? Where do I see myself in few years? Do I see myself in the US for the rest of my life or will I be in Europe or maybe in Asia? Maybe back in Oman?
For now I am partially content with having a base in the US and venturing out to all over the world . . . I still want to see, hear and feel more . . . without worrying about any chains . . .
Who is to say we have to tie ourselves... says who the only way to live is to be married, have children and then die? :-)
Saturday morning ...
Another gorgeous day, sunny bright and breezy . . . sitting on my Desk I am listening to Elissa's 2010 CD. I am watching golfers across the lake . . .
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Friday, February 26, 2010
It Is Frustrating Here Too . . .
OK, so it is Friday afternoon in the US. I am so frustrated. I am remodeling my house here. Dealing with contractors is a nightmare that I would not wish on my worst enemy.
I hired a general contractor to work on my master suite remodeling. He has been quite pushy throughout the project but also arrogant. I admit it is hard for me to be decisive sometimes hence his pushiness, nonetheless I would say he has been a pain to deal with, I should not have to fight my ideas through.
Any ways, the way it works here, is you could get a general contractor who then deals with all the sub-contractors like plumbers, framers, electricians….etc. The whole job costs more but the general contractor takes over all the headaches of coordinating the schedules and certainly the quality of the work. He/she could bring in a headach but at least it is one headack than many!!! at least that is what I thought.
Throughout the project I had to compromise here and there but at least we were pushing forward, baby steps forward. But as of couple of weeks ago we stalled. Everything came to a halt. The reason being . . . well, I am still struggling with that one myself.
Anyways I went to the city of …. to investigate on what could be done in terms of tracking him down and getting part of my money back (oh yes, I was stupid enough to pay in advance for some of the work).
It turns out there isn’t much I could do other than take him to court and try to mess up his reputation on the internet. Frustrating? You bet.
Yes, you guessed it, we can be made to feel powerless here too, just like in Oman. In Oman, however, it would probably be my brother or nephew or some other male family member that would deal with contractors, I would be shelterd from the experience. Honestly speaking, the shelter doesn’t sound too bad right now ( althought it would not be fair to expect brothers and nephew to take over my frustrations . . . oh well the "expectation" subject is for another data.
I hired a general contractor to work on my master suite remodeling. He has been quite pushy throughout the project but also arrogant. I admit it is hard for me to be decisive sometimes hence his pushiness, nonetheless I would say he has been a pain to deal with, I should not have to fight my ideas through.
Any ways, the way it works here, is you could get a general contractor who then deals with all the sub-contractors like plumbers, framers, electricians….etc. The whole job costs more but the general contractor takes over all the headaches of coordinating the schedules and certainly the quality of the work. He/she could bring in a headach but at least it is one headack than many!!! at least that is what I thought.
Throughout the project I had to compromise here and there but at least we were pushing forward, baby steps forward. But as of couple of weeks ago we stalled. Everything came to a halt. The reason being . . . well, I am still struggling with that one myself.
Anyways I went to the city of …. to investigate on what could be done in terms of tracking him down and getting part of my money back (oh yes, I was stupid enough to pay in advance for some of the work).
It turns out there isn’t much I could do other than take him to court and try to mess up his reputation on the internet. Frustrating? You bet.
Yes, you guessed it, we can be made to feel powerless here too, just like in Oman. In Oman, however, it would probably be my brother or nephew or some other male family member that would deal with contractors, I would be shelterd from the experience. Honestly speaking, the shelter doesn’t sound too bad right now ( althought it would not be fair to expect brothers and nephew to take over my frustrations . . . oh well the "expectation" subject is for another data.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Full Control, Not Cruise Control
Back in the USA, and back to the day in day out routines. Work, bills, grocery and oh yeaaaahhh complete control over my time.
Not so in Oman,no. There I have to give up my time to please others. Don’t get me wrong I enjoy pleasing my family and friends when I can and I am supportive and caring (mostly). BUT, I want to do so on my own terms. I want to choose the time and the method in which I show my affection. I don’t want to be told when and how to show it.
Family members and friends feel “entitled” to your time, to your space and heck even to your money ;-). Attending weddings & funerals, visiting new born & the ill, attending dinner & lunch invitations, casual visits for visit sake, are all “expected”. It is considered a “personal” offense if you don’t visit or attend one of their functions.
Also, because it is engraved in our conscious from a very early age that these events are all social “obligations”, you can easily be made to feel guilty if you even think to skip a visit or an occasion.
All that would not be a problem if the size of your family is small, but I have 14 siblings, multiply that by two for their husbands and wives then multiply that by 4 for average number of children in a family unit, then add the aunts, uncles, and cousins . . . get the idea????
Between the size, the entitlement culture and the guilty conscious, taking control over your own time becomes mission impossible. You see most people cannot live with guilt and cannot take constant naggings or words of emotional blackmailig.
To take control over your own time requires focus, awareness, assertiveness and savviness to maneuver around a conversation without alienating your family or friends and without lying. Phhhhheeeewwww that is exhausting! So some people choose the easy way out, to lie, all the time. To take control of their time they lose their truth, and that is sad.
Wouldn’t it be easier if everyone accepted these visits as gifts,not entitlements? Wouldn’t it be easier if we love our families and friends unconditionally? They don't have to visit or call to get my love, I love them any way, unconditionally.
Not so in Oman,no. There I have to give up my time to please others. Don’t get me wrong I enjoy pleasing my family and friends when I can and I am supportive and caring (mostly). BUT, I want to do so on my own terms. I want to choose the time and the method in which I show my affection. I don’t want to be told when and how to show it.
Family members and friends feel “entitled” to your time, to your space and heck even to your money ;-). Attending weddings & funerals, visiting new born & the ill, attending dinner & lunch invitations, casual visits for visit sake, are all “expected”. It is considered a “personal” offense if you don’t visit or attend one of their functions.
Also, because it is engraved in our conscious from a very early age that these events are all social “obligations”, you can easily be made to feel guilty if you even think to skip a visit or an occasion.
All that would not be a problem if the size of your family is small, but I have 14 siblings, multiply that by two for their husbands and wives then multiply that by 4 for average number of children in a family unit, then add the aunts, uncles, and cousins . . . get the idea????
Between the size, the entitlement culture and the guilty conscious, taking control over your own time becomes mission impossible. You see most people cannot live with guilt and cannot take constant naggings or words of emotional blackmailig.
To take control over your own time requires focus, awareness, assertiveness and savviness to maneuver around a conversation without alienating your family or friends and without lying. Phhhhheeeewwww that is exhausting! So some people choose the easy way out, to lie, all the time. To take control of their time they lose their truth, and that is sad.
Wouldn’t it be easier if everyone accepted these visits as gifts,not entitlements? Wouldn’t it be easier if we love our families and friends unconditionally? They don't have to visit or call to get my love, I love them any way, unconditionally.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Accept me . . .
Many friends describe me as an emotional, extrovert, and spontaneous. I would say they are about right in their descriptions. I would add that I am also very analytical sometimes. I am a free spirit, I want to make my own mistakes and to find my own answers.
It is who I am that probably made it difficult for me to live in Oman years ago. Then and at that age, all I knew was I could not be who I am and be accepted in the Omani culture. I had to conform to a certain mould built for the Omani society in general and within that mould another one built for my family in particular. I was of a different form and I was rigid. I could not fit.
The constant fight and the constant struggle to be true to who I am without being rejected, was hard on me. The emotions drove me crazy and made me miserable, which in turn made it difficult for my family. They thought marriage would be the answer. But I was not ready. The more I rejected marriage ideas the tighter the mould got on me. I felt squeezed out.
I found a place where no one cared from which family I came from, or what religion I follow, or what car I drive, or whether I was married or not. I found friends that cared to know me for who I am and they liked me just the way I was. They did not try to change me a bit.
I was happy to be accepted. I could focus my energy on being a productive member of the society rather than fighting the society. I could focus on healing my wounds and build my strength.
Over the years I tried to learn more of who I am and how I can be accepted in my culture without killing my spirit. The good thing about living in the US is accessibility to information and to resources. One could learn about anything she wishes to explore. So I read books and met with experts.
Don’t get me wrong, I still struggle to understand all my feelings and all my culture. But I have come a long ways a way from where I was.
Now, I am less rigid, stronger, happier and enjoy and cherish every moment with my family back in Oman. They learned to accept me the way I am and I learned to see things from their point of view.
I believe, I needed to be accepted just the way I was first, so I could learn how to accept myself, my family and my culture.
It is who I am that probably made it difficult for me to live in Oman years ago. Then and at that age, all I knew was I could not be who I am and be accepted in the Omani culture. I had to conform to a certain mould built for the Omani society in general and within that mould another one built for my family in particular. I was of a different form and I was rigid. I could not fit.
The constant fight and the constant struggle to be true to who I am without being rejected, was hard on me. The emotions drove me crazy and made me miserable, which in turn made it difficult for my family. They thought marriage would be the answer. But I was not ready. The more I rejected marriage ideas the tighter the mould got on me. I felt squeezed out.
I found a place where no one cared from which family I came from, or what religion I follow, or what car I drive, or whether I was married or not. I found friends that cared to know me for who I am and they liked me just the way I was. They did not try to change me a bit.
I was happy to be accepted. I could focus my energy on being a productive member of the society rather than fighting the society. I could focus on healing my wounds and build my strength.
Over the years I tried to learn more of who I am and how I can be accepted in my culture without killing my spirit. The good thing about living in the US is accessibility to information and to resources. One could learn about anything she wishes to explore. So I read books and met with experts.
Don’t get me wrong, I still struggle to understand all my feelings and all my culture. But I have come a long ways a way from where I was.
Now, I am less rigid, stronger, happier and enjoy and cherish every moment with my family back in Oman. They learned to accept me the way I am and I learned to see things from their point of view.
I believe, I needed to be accepted just the way I was first, so I could learn how to accept myself, my family and my culture.
Friday, January 15, 2010
The Onion
On my way to the US, at an airport in Europe, I stopped to have something to eat at one of the modern and hip restaurants. I saw two Arab girls, both beautiful and graceful. They were wearing fashionable white head scarves, jeans and matching tops, practical I thought. They were enjoying each other’s conversation and the delicious food in a non show-off way, different I thought. Few minutes after their meal, they both took out their laptops. Every bit modern and saying we are from this century.
I could not help but think that the onion is peeling off one layer at a time. The majority of the newer generation of our Arab world is every bit civilized, connected, smart and graceful. Perhaps given the financial means, education and exposure to various life styles, we human choose to peacefully blend in with our environment. We want to belong we want to be respected. We are willing to give so we can also receive.
With the new generation of thinking, I felt my life could be the same in Oman as it is in the US perhaps a little richer with family and friends and a little poorer on choices. But with creativity, smartness and hunger of the youth the choices are coming, and we can be there to shape the energy of our youth.
I could not help but think that the onion is peeling off one layer at a time. The majority of the newer generation of our Arab world is every bit civilized, connected, smart and graceful. Perhaps given the financial means, education and exposure to various life styles, we human choose to peacefully blend in with our environment. We want to belong we want to be respected. We are willing to give so we can also receive.
With the new generation of thinking, I felt my life could be the same in Oman as it is in the US perhaps a little richer with family and friends and a little poorer on choices. But with creativity, smartness and hunger of the youth the choices are coming, and we can be there to shape the energy of our youth.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Because I Am Away
The sheer fact that I chose to live in a place other than Oman, when I am in fact an Omani, makes many Omanis uncomfortable. Within few minutes of a conversation, I get an earful about how the west is not better than Oman and how great Oman is. In their mind, because I chose to live outside Oman a) I must have rejected to be one of them and b) I must be perceiving the west to be “superior”.
Their assumptions and thoughts could not be any further from my true feelings and thoughts. The beauty of Oman and the kindness of its people are infinite, in my eyes. And it will always remain so because it is the truth that I perceive and my people's blood is in my veins.
My day yesterday involved lunch at my aunt’s house with my cousins, then a visit to see an ill relative in the hospital, then dinner at my uncle’s house with all my other cousins.
Absolutely great! The visits, the sincere love, the kindness and the wonderful time we share together are priceless! And I couldn't get that from the west.
The west is not suprior. Oman is not inferior.
But just like the west, we are nowhere near a perfect society.
And just like any human being in the west or otherwise, an Omani has his/her own needs and tolerance levels that may or may not be fully available in his country.
I realised that my critiques are considered biased, even when they resonate with many other Omanis who live here. So, I bite my tongue (when I can), show my sincere respect, communicate my sincere love and limit my comments to scribles in my blog space . . . ;-)
Their assumptions and thoughts could not be any further from my true feelings and thoughts. The beauty of Oman and the kindness of its people are infinite, in my eyes. And it will always remain so because it is the truth that I perceive and my people's blood is in my veins.
My day yesterday involved lunch at my aunt’s house with my cousins, then a visit to see an ill relative in the hospital, then dinner at my uncle’s house with all my other cousins.
Absolutely great! The visits, the sincere love, the kindness and the wonderful time we share together are priceless! And I couldn't get that from the west.
The west is not suprior. Oman is not inferior.
But just like the west, we are nowhere near a perfect society.
And just like any human being in the west or otherwise, an Omani has his/her own needs and tolerance levels that may or may not be fully available in his country.
I realised that my critiques are considered biased, even when they resonate with many other Omanis who live here. So, I bite my tongue (when I can), show my sincere respect, communicate my sincere love and limit my comments to scribles in my blog space . . . ;-)
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Bila Quyud (Without Chains)
Occasionally I get comments from my friends, "You are so free, you can do whatever and be whoever". I say " That is correct. I love my freedom. I feel so lucky"
Of course there is no absolute freedom. But to get to this level of freedom that I am enjoying today, I had to break many cultural chains. Oman, as to be expected, has many beliefs sourced by religion some, and by its Arabian culture some. Both of which restricted me a great deal as a woman. To give you an example; at the age of 26 I was not allowed to stay out of the house alone beyond 4 pm, while at the age of 18 my brother could come home at 2 am, no questions asked. This discrimination was/is believed to be “protective” of women. I was supposed to accept it and love it and love my parents for protecting me. But, to me, it was "unfair" and humiliating. I still loved my family but I rejected their traditions.
So I chose to live where fewer or no restrictions are imposed on women, and where I could grow freely as a person and as a human being that is thirsty to live, to explore and to learn. I went to live in the west.
Many friends ask me if I regret living in the West for so long. The answer is "No, I don’t". Do I feel I am happier than my sisters who lived within this culture’s boundaries and obeyed its rules? "No I don’t". Are they happier than me? I wouldn't know, but I don't believe so.
Happiness, to me, comes from within and from being true to who you are. To be true and authentic you have to be free, without chains.
Of course there is no absolute freedom. But to get to this level of freedom that I am enjoying today, I had to break many cultural chains. Oman, as to be expected, has many beliefs sourced by religion some, and by its Arabian culture some. Both of which restricted me a great deal as a woman. To give you an example; at the age of 26 I was not allowed to stay out of the house alone beyond 4 pm, while at the age of 18 my brother could come home at 2 am, no questions asked. This discrimination was/is believed to be “protective” of women. I was supposed to accept it and love it and love my parents for protecting me. But, to me, it was "unfair" and humiliating. I still loved my family but I rejected their traditions.
So I chose to live where fewer or no restrictions are imposed on women, and where I could grow freely as a person and as a human being that is thirsty to live, to explore and to learn. I went to live in the west.
Many friends ask me if I regret living in the West for so long. The answer is "No, I don’t". Do I feel I am happier than my sisters who lived within this culture’s boundaries and obeyed its rules? "No I don’t". Are they happier than me? I wouldn't know, but I don't believe so.
Happiness, to me, comes from within and from being true to who you are. To be true and authentic you have to be free, without chains.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
